**See more courageous stories on "Our Stories" page & See some passionate responses to some of the News Headlines)**
 ~Mary's Hope~
In October, 2004, I sprained my ankle very badly after falling down stairs while doing laundry. Before my injury, I was a very active 22 year old college student and full time office manager. Other than work and school, I enjoyed outdoor activities with my wonderful husband, being active in my church, running with my dog daily, and shopping for fabulous shoes:).
After following all of my orthopedic and physical therapist's suggestions, my recovery seemed to be on a continuous downslide of pain, swelling, discoloration, and frustration. The doctors seemed perplexed and in disbelief (Unfortunately, RSD is a very foreign illness in the medical world, not to mention the general public). Finally, after my orthepedic suspected RSD, I was sent to a pain management specialist who was confident that a sympathetic block would do the trick and I could toss the crutches, and go back to normal. Even after 4 painful spinal injections (in 1 month), my ankle and foot continued to swell and turn strange fluorescent colors, and I was in constant, unspeakable agony.
Between the daily doctor's appointments, sickening medications, insomnia, hallucinations, electric, sawing, jolting, "blue", radiating aura of nauseating, horrifying pain...I was fighting strong suicidal urges and fantasies every second of each never-ending minute of the day. My super-hero husband, supportive parents, and 4 admiring younger siblings held on to me with all of their might. I took 2 semesters off of school and missed countless days of work. I spent weeks locked in my dark house crying, screaming, and throwing things; Nights, I prayed for a miracle or for death.
That July, I turned 23 and began to feel light shedding over my chronic journey. Rigorous physical therapy and hydro therapy have gotten me walking in spite of my pain and I have regained motion in my leg. Biofeedback and counseling have taught me visualization exercises, foot warming, relaxation & breathing techniques, as well as acceptance of my condition and countless coping tools. I use a TENS unit, a compression sock, numbing massage ointment, wear flat boots, take several supplements daily, along with pain meds when needed. My neurologist put me on Effexor(for nerve retraining), Lamictal(for nerve response), and Ambien(sleep), which began to finally improve my quality of life. My wonderful pain management physician, Dr. Ellner (Atlanta) has been a remarkably optimistic source of ongoing support throughout my battle with RSD.
Next month is 3 years since my life-changing injury. Although I had completely different plans for my future, I can begin a new kind of life to include my cranky, thieving handicap which has stolen far too much already. I have rewarded myself with deserved gifts like compassion and a new vigor for life.
I am working full time, beginning classes again, learning sign language, taking violin lessons, attending Bible study, and have created a new web site for those living with chronic pain to share unique and inspirational coping strategies like artwork, poetry, and visualization techniques (www.BodyofHope.com). Although I have always planned for a career in helping the disabled, I now fully appreciate the courage and humility that living with weakness requires.
I still have frequent bad days of #10 pain where I hurt so much I can hardly blink, however, I finally have the tools to build a bridge to get me through to tomorrow. Even if I do not see fabulous heels on my feet again or backpack through Europe, I am trying to allow God to use my most trying struggle as a growing experience. Hang in there.....Mary Mattio
Atlanta, GA
Just an update, September 8, 2007
Biofeedback and Physical Therapy finally got me back on my feet (Literally). I am finally able to handle and tolerate my pain. I can choose to never use my leg, drop out of life, and continue to have terrible pain, or I can use my leg, participate in life...and have terrible pain. I am devoted to the later. The pain and other symptoms still keep me from doing what I want and what others want of me. For a long time, I felt that I was entitled to health. Looking around at other 25 year olds, I felt like I deserved to have a strong, healthy body. When I finally realized that health is a gift and a luxury- I now understand that not everyone has the same abilities just as I should not expect to have the same health as those I envy.
Currently, I am dealing with the opposite of insomnia and have been sleeping almost 20 hours a day- every day. When I am awake, the pain is nearly intolerable and I am now taking methadone as my main pain medicine. It lasts longer than other meds and it targets the pain effectively without messing with my head. I am working part time and have taken this semester off school while I try to resolve this sleep issue. I am now only able to work part time and have taken this semester off of school while I try to resolve this sleep issue.
This site continues to strengthen my spirit and gives me a reason to march ahead although I still battle with frustration. My friends and others my age are not familiar with "illness" and how devistating the effects can be. The youthful abilities that they take for granted are luxuries that I no longer can enjoy. The emails I recieve from you help me remember that I am not alone.
I hate this disease, and I am devoted to keep hoping, fighting, and searching for relief. There are small children who deal with RSD- so how can I give up? You can't give up either! Your perseverence will surely change others' lives. I am cheering you on and I would love to hear from you.
Those suffering without strong support need hope and prayer for the unspeakable wounds they are forced to bear and for a soft place to fall in this life. Stay strong..........Mary
Let me know what you find inspiring, or tell your story: bodyofhope@aol.com (new working email)
|